How?

I have not had much time to post lately. I've been dealing with other things. Bad things from our past (my husband and I) have began to rear their ugly heads again. And the only thing people can so to help is 'but you married him knowing about everything he did'...Umm, YES because I love HIM not what he did to me. (Long story short, we met, but he kept looking for someone else, met another woman, moved in w her, never told me, and I had to find out from her 4 months later after she gained access to his facebook...) Turns out the first 4 months of our relationship were pretty much a lie, but I was in-love with him. And I have no idea what in the hell to do to get past this. Its been a year. And I still hurt over it. I have questions that he refuses to answer. I dont know what to do. Emotional roller-coaster right now. I think its time for some healing magick. I really do.
....Blessed Be from one hurt witch.....

After Soul Searching

If you have been fallowing my blog, you may notice a few differences. When I started this blog a few days ago, I think I was trying very hard to convince myself that I WAS a babygirl (dont ask me why because I dont know either). I have discovered I am not. I am simply a wife that enjoys the fact her husband likes to take charge!!! I love that my husband likes to tell me what to do. He protects me, provides for me, and loves me. I am a 50s house wife (without the dress). I also found that

 I have been neglecting my role as a Pagan. I need to become more active, and celebrate life a little more than I have been. I have not celebrated a sabbet in FAR to long. I feel that for myself, and my daughter I should be much more spiritually active. I also think it would help me in a lot of other areas in my life. Any time I fall away from my spirituality things seem to crumble like a stale cookie. 

I am actually cleaning up the house, putting the baby to sleep, then the hubby and I are going to go out and spend some quality time with the lord and lady!! Its just to night tonight to spend it inside!!

Busy Few Days

Wow, it has been a busy few days. My mother, grandmother, sister, and my daughter and I all got together and had a girls weekend!! It was the first time we had all been together like that in YEARS. We all had an amazing time. It was a nice slow weekend.
I have started my HCG diet today. I decided to do the drops instead of the shot. I am REALLY hoping this works. I am doing the 3 days of "gorging" then Saturday I start the VLCD (very low calorie diet) portion of the diet. I am only going to do 20 day spurtIs. It can be done for up to 40 days, but I want to take it in shorter spurts. It would be so nice to be able to grab a pair of pants out of my closet and just put them on again. Pregnancy is so hard. Wish me luck =)
Daddy and I have our one year anniversary  next month!! I cant belive we have been married a year already. Its also his birthday next month. I have already given him his present. I just couldnt wait 2 more weeks!! I made him a Raiders blanket. Its his favorite team. I was planning on hiding it and giving it to him that day, but I just couldnt handle it. I suck at keeping secrets... I think I am going to see if my parents will watch our daughter on his birthday weekend, and just celebrate both his birthday AND our anniversary the same weekend. I have a little something sexy up my sleeve  ;) I just hope daddy likes it.

In other news, I think I have decided on a theme for our wedding!! (Whenever we finally have it.) I want to have a medieval theme. Wouldnt that be AMAZING?!?!? I have found a few dresses online that I LOVE LOVE LOVE, but I have to make sure to find one that I like AND will look good on a more....curvy woman (though I am hoping HCG will take care of a few of those curves). I would like to have something like a traditional handfasting ceremony. We will see what happens I suppose!!!!
Blessed Be!!

Wedding!!

After a very busy Valentines day, I am hoping today will be much calmer!!! The snow is all gone, and its supposed to be 60 degrees today!! What crazy weather we are having this year....

My little girl has her nights and days mixed up, making for some very long and sleepless nights. I have no clue what to do. The advice everyone keeps giving me is keep her awake during the day. Ummm,.... well, she is a little bit like her daddy, and when she falls asleep, she falls ASLEEP. A freight train could run through her room and she wouldnt even twitch. I can pick her up, talk to her, change her diaper, everything, and NOTHING wakes her up. I dont know how to keep her awake!!! Advice??

SOOOOOOOOOO, I have decided that I want a REAL wedding!! (Daddy and I just did the JP thing when we got hitched). I mean, come on, what girl doesnt want a real wedding!? I am thinking of a summer time wedding, something small with family and close friends. My husband knows that I want to have one, and he knows that I have kind of started looking at ideas, but he has no idea that Im thinking about doing it this summer!! I havent decided when to talk to him about it yet. Im thinking about bringing it up tonight. When better to bring it up than after a hot shower, a good dinner, and a nice back rub?? I can get anything I ask for as long as I time it JUSSST right =) Wish me luck!!

Blessed Be!!

Snow!

Wow, what a Sunday!! I didnt have any time to post yesterday at all. We had a goat give birth, and a super fussy baby to comfort. Daddy was working the farm all day and we didnt even have any "us" time yesterday. This morning isnt looking any better. I am supposed to have a drs appointment today, but we are snowed in. I really need to get in soon thought. I had an IUD put in at my 6 week check up, and I am still having a lot of pain. Not a whole lot of fun.

The snow outside is so beautiful though. Nothing like a little white winter and a good cup of hot coco to make you feel tons better!! My daughter is not old enough to enjoy the snow of course, but she will be soon enough. Some of my most fond memories from childhood are building snowmen in the front yard. I can't wait to do that with my little girl! I think I will go out to leave an offering to the lord and lady... Spring is my favorite time of year, but there is not denying that there is something magickal about standing in the middle of a snow covered field, seeing nothing but nature. I do truly love living in the country. We just moved back to the farm after living in a larger city. I missed the quiet peace of nature....

Post Pregg

I have been having some huge issues with my post pregnancy body image. I was a size 15 before I got pregnant, and now I have issues with squeezing into a 20!!! I want my pre pregnancy body back so bad. Actually, I wouldnt mind being even smaller than that. I am considering the HCG diet, because I have had family members that have done it and had amazing results. I was also considering Zumba. I love to dance, and that looks like fun. the only problem is I live so far out in the country that it would take me 20/30 minutes to get to the nearest classes...sigh.... Its also hard because I dont always have someone to watch the baby while in classes. Life with a baby is complicated, but I must admit, every single second is worth it =)

What to talk about today...

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